Now I know what the term “Down for the Count” really means. Once my white cells started falling, they fell fast and hard and I was knocked out. After 4 days in the hospital building me up, I WILL go back into the ring for the fight with my next chemo scheduled for one week from today. I am very happy that I didn’t play hero and that I followed my doctor’s orders that if my temperature rose to 100.5 or I developed chills that I was to go directly to the hospital. And so 10 minutes after symptoms developed last Tuesday night, Jan had me here at Sloan. I am sure if you are interested in the gory details, which even I cannot comprehend, Jan has it logged on his entries.
Let’s talk about the word “UNCLE.” I am having to also say this word and admit that I cannot do it all. I have been told that I am not being allowed to return to my classroom after all since my immune system has been compromised and even if one of my little ones coughs or sneezes near me it can be detrimental. It would have been a little easier returning to a job with less exposure. OK, there are only 39 days of school left and as I recover over the summer, I can start back in the fall. I will have to apply for a medical leave of absence which in one way is very frustrating because I really wanted to go to work and yet in another way is a truly a relief so that I can stop putting pressure on myself and just get well.
I have a plan. My darling colleague, Susan Simbol will create lesson plans and assist the substitute in my classroom and I will use my energy to create activities and develop material lists for Susan and I to incorporate into our classrooms in the fall. At least I can feel productive while being confined at home..
Jan has been the most amazing caretaker. I have been very fortunate up until now to not have spent a single night in a hospital except, of course, to have each of my 4 children. Jan sleeps here and stays with me all night waiting on me hand and foot. This also has been a very difficult adjustment. I never thought our roles would be anything such as this, but he is so kind, encouraging, and the love of my life. We are together 37 years, married 34 of those and the depth I feel for him cannot be measured.
Jan also says that he sees a vast improvement since I am now telling him what to do, moving chairs around and just nudging him in general. He says he likes it! LOL. So more rest in the hospital today, more antibiotics, and prayers and hopes that we are going to beat this disease.
Please continue transmitting whatever you are communicating to a higher power because I am deriving such strength from it and I can truly feel it working.