I am so appreciative for how I am feeling right now. I spent the afternoon with Renee and Bonnie, and then took myself over to Sloan for a rash check. I hailed my own cab back to the West Side to the drug store, had my prescription filled and walked home. And I watched a movie with Jan. Thank goodness for the energy and well-being that allowed me to accomplish these tasks.
My very long time friend from Turkey, Ilona Kornfilt, is here in NYC and coming to the wedding. Today, I will spend some time with her and her her lovely daughter Sera. We were so fortunate to spend 4 days in Istanbul with them last summer and this summer we will celebrate again together. I pray we will only have happy occasions to share in the future.
Without the chemo, I feel more like myself. This makes me very happy. The anxiety of the next step is looming and I am more emotional. I still do not know what that step will be but I do know that I really do not want to go for the last two chemo treatments and feel horrific for days and days. I was reminded by a well respected friend that I am so far ahead of where I was when I walked into Sloan in March. I have a treatment plan, I am 2/3 through the chemo part. The cancer has not only been halted but turned back 25%, and we know that the treatment is working. I must remind myself of this each minute and not take it for granted. Each time I feel a pain in the left shoulder, fear does set in. The mantra: “Trust that the Doctors know what they are doing”. And so for today, I will enjoy and celebrate the ability to do more things and enjoy more people and join the countdown with my son to his wedding. (He calls each morning to remind me how close we are). I am so appreciative.