We’re Home FROM SLOAN

We have good news!!!!!

The scans show that the tumor has reduced 25% in size, the lyph node is no longer visible and the bone has not increased!  The treatment protocol is working!!!! Even Dr. Bajorin showed signs of excitement.

The other news is,  There is a blood clot in the kidney also now.  I just returned from an MRI after chemo and Jan is going to have to give me heprin shots in the belly each morning to dissolve the clot and thin the blood.  Just to be sure.  Also I will have to have more transfusions a we continue the process.

These are all annoyances but the most important is that the cancer is decreasing and we are so happy.

The other good news is that Dr Bajorin is giving me a week off of chemo so I will not have to have it the week of Aaron’s wedding.  Yes I will be tired and nauseous but I may have a little extra stamina to get through.  This  is such a relief to me.

Jan and I are very very exhausted now.  We were at Sloan at 7:30AM and just returned after the MRI at 5:00.  We each had a froz fruit and are hitting the sack for a nap.

PLEASE continue your prayers.  They Have already made miracles.  Each and every one of you gave me the strength to face the results and know that your prayers were the answer.  Thanks

HOT

Sorry I am late putting up the blog.  It is very very hot and I decided to go back to sleep for awhile.  

I had a wonderful visit with Elaine, Larry, and Micki. For today, since it is Shavouth, and Jan is around, we are taking it easy and preparing to see Dr. Bajorin tomorrow and Round #4.

Hope you are all staying cool and relaxing.

 

94 Degree Sunday

It’s going to be very hot today and so Jan and I will take an early morning walk and get the grocery shopping done early.  We are expecting Elaine and Larry Smith and Micki Shpilner (our aunts and uncle) to visit for the day from Boston. And we have to prepare for the Holiday of Shavouth that begins tonight through Tuesday night.

I have had days of fatigue and anxiety and I am trying my best to get through it.  I am preparing myself for Tuesday when I should hear something about the scans and begin Chemo #4.  

I did have a surprise visit from a friend who has been afraid to see me.  I understand fear, but I am the same person, as she found out, just struggling to beat a disease that I did not ask for.  We had a lovely walk and she realized that I need support now not fear to help me get well.  I will be see her more often now.

And so I wish all of you a beautiful Sunday.  Enjoy it with health and peace.

WAITING

The scans took about 10 minutes and now we will wait until the comparison studies are done to find out what is happening.  I am spending time with Jan and resting.  It is supposed to be 90 degrees here in NYC for the next 3 days so I suppose we will take short walks and relax here in the apartment.  

JUST DO IT

Today is the day of the scans.  Although  I have been quite anxious all week, now that I’m down to it, I just want to do it.  I need to know what has happened and what the next step is.

I had some wonderful gifts yesterday.  I am so grateful that I still have my hair and hope that it will be the case for Aaron’s wedding but I have not had it cut or colored since chemo began.  I wanted to go to NJ to Henri who has done my hair since I moved to NJ 20 years ago but I cannot make the short trip out there alone and I don’t know if I will need to rest in between.  So, my darling sister-in-law, Renee went to see Henri yesterday and told him about what is happening to me and asked if it were possible for him to come to me.  His response was “I will call her and take care of it.” I cried so hard when she told me.  Reminder: I do not know how to ask anyone for help and although I am better at it, since I’ve been sick, it is not easy.  I would never have asked  and he was so willing.  I am so relieved that he will do this for me.

Second gift: My precious, very pregnant, and exhausted, Rea came over to visit this afternoon in tears.  I was so lucky to have a few hours of quiet time just cuddling and talking in my bed (THE COMFORT LOCATION for all children of any age) and watching her just relax and release.  Then we took a look at her layette and we were both so excited that in about 10 weeks, with Gds Blessings, “Ricky Martin” will join our family.  I am so happy that Rea had a place to go to feel safe and recoup and I still have the ability to be there for her.

And so, off to have a Boost and my meds and prepare to leave for the crosstown ride to Sloan. Pray hard and we’ll let you know.

THURSDAY

Yesterday was one of the worst days I’ve had since beginning this process even after two great days.  I absolutely could not stay ahead of the nausea and exhaustion and so I slept the day away.  When Jan can home I was a mess and had to force some food into my system and I could not stop crying.  My poor husband works all day, is stressed to the gills and comes home to this sadness. Hopefully today will be better.

I am feeling very low right now with all the excitement of the wedding starting and so many things I cannot and Jan will not attend due to this illness.  There is so much I want to do and I feel trapped here in the apartment or within 2-3 blocks.

Tomorrow morning will be the scans and I am ready for anything at this point.  I just want to know something.  Nine weeks have gone by and I have followed the doctor’s orders to the letter.  Now I want some answers.

Plan for today is to eat more food, pray hard, rest, and somehow try to get my morale back where it should be.  Right now, I just want to sleep.

ANOTHER DAY

I woke up so grateful for another day.  It is a cloudy mess outside but that doesn’t matter.  For the past two days, I have felt a little more like myself, able to breathe, visit with family, a little energy to complete some projects, and coping with the nausea and medication.  If I can feel “this good” at Aaron’s wedding, I’ve got it made.  I even slept through the night!

I will have to negotiate with Dr. Bajorin and my chemo schedule again to see if somehow we can put off the Tuesday before Aaron’s wedding treatment until Friday after so I can be in a “week off”.  I am also facing the scans of Friday but I feel I can face them now since the meds must be doing something and if not, we need to revisit this kidney operation delay plan.

My friend, Howard, called yesterday and really gave me a lift.  He was one of my gifts for the day.  Last Wednesday he had the kidney surgery with Dr. Russo and yesterday he was sitting on a chaise in the sunshine telling me how well it went.  I am now feeling less afraid of that up coming step.  I know Dr. Russo is the best  and for my first surgery, that is who I want.

The other gift I had yesterday was five hours with my sister-in-law, Renee.  She kept me company and we had “lunch together” (Ok so it took me a hour to eat a 1/2 sandwich) and we just relaxed. We shared a lot and in general just felt good.  I am so fortunate to have become part of and married into Jan’s family at such  a young age (16 dated and 20 married).  They are all so supportive and I forget sometimes that they are not my blood relatives since we have been related so long.  Jan’s Aunt Elaine, Uncle Larry, and Aunt Micki will come from Boston on Sunday just to check up on me even though I usually hear from Elaine daily.  For all of these people I am so grateful.

Today, hopefully, will be another quiet day reading and just being.  It is also A new Moon and so there are special beautiful prayers set aside for this day which I will spend time studying.  I wish all of you a healthy, safe, and wonderful day.  Take a few seconds to Pray Hard and be Grateful.

IT’S TUESDAY

I have made it a whole week after chemo without going to the hospital and for this I am very very grateful.  I actually was awake the entire day yesterday and accomplished a great deal.  All of my school paper work is complete and will be delivered to Passaic by my friend and neighbor Martine Schenker tomorrow.  I spent the afternoon visiting with My brother-in-law, Scott.  He is a delightful person and we always enjoy each other’s company.  His visit was a wonderful break in a very long day since Jan is now working crazy hours again  and does not return home until 9 or 10 at night.  

Today, Renee, my sister-in-law (Scott’s wife) will come for the morning to keep me company.  These social reprieves are most welcome.  I will have to figure out how to feed both of us since I am no longer cooking (the smells make me nauseous) but I know Renee loves PB&J.  That I have here.

Shira called yesterday and has decided to become a vegetarian and protect the environment by recycling everything.  I am very proud of her that she has taken on this responsibility for the environment.  I had been a vegetarian when the kids were young and Shira and I had time to share that experience and what I learned that worked and what didn’t.

I am trying my best to keep my emotional head on straight knowing that the scans are looming in the near future and wondering if I can beat this disease.  Most of the time my coping skills are good but there are times of panic and reality that I just can’t deal with and I do fall apart.  What a Roller Coaster ride, emotionally, physically, and spiritually! I am trying not to feel angry that I worked to hard to raise my kids and now, when the bonuses are at my fingertips, (weddings, babies) I am not well enough to fully embrace them.  I want to see my children blossom and reap the fruits of all those years of sowing my garden.  They are wonderful people. People I really like and of course really love and I pray I can beat this disease or learn to live with it so I can enjoy them all.

JUST RESTING

Went for a walk and was outside in the sunshine yesterday.  Then slept the day away. I woke up very early this morning and since I am nauseous and tired I am eating something and heading back to bed for while.  The plan for the day is to complete school paper work and just rest.