I am ready for the hit and I am off to Sloan.  Let’s bring it on so I can put another treatment on the calendar as complete.  I know what to expect, I do not want to be back in bed, but I do know I am much farther from the beginning and much closer to the end of this horrible feeling.  Please just let them get rid of this disease so I can get on with my life.

Will report more later.  PRAY VERY VERY HARD.


After shopping with Rea in a real store for an hour and going out to dinner, I am again so grateful for the time I had off from treatment.  These last 5 days have been so exciting and heartwarming for me.  I know now that once the chemo is out of my system, I will be able to feel like myself again. This is the last day before treatment and I am sitting here thinking of what I need to accomplish before bed rest becomes the norm.

(Sorry about the pictures coming up as orange squares but we are working on it)

The kids are all in their homes, and mine is still a wreck but a wonderful and memorable one.  By this afternoon, I should be reorganized and have these memories also planted in my head.  I have been given many gifts over this past few days and each one is a treasure.  I am reminded with each thought of all that I have been granted in my lifetime: A loving family, wonderful, supportive friends, and the ability to know what is important in life.  

After another nap, I will meditate and try to get my head ready for the next battles ahead of me.  Keep praying, the hard part is a comin’.

Its Sunday

Shira left here in tears yesterday not wanting to leave our family and the joy we are sharing.  It was very hard to see her go.  Since she has not been feeling well, and she needed a “Mommy Fix”, I felt badly that I was unable to be attentive to her for fear that I also would get sick.  I miss her already.

Josh and Katherine left 10 minutes ago for the airport and San Francisco.  Josh is the most difficult for me to let go of since I see him so rarely and really don’t know when the next time I’ll see him again.  Yes, I cried.

Rea and Shuie and The little ones are still here since Huvi and Simi did not want to leave.  They will be returned to their mother in CT after our “Dora Pancake Party” when they wake up.

And so the wedding weekend is winding down and overall I still feel quite good.  A little nauseous, a little tired, but so grateful to have my family with me for so many days,  It is hard to let them go. 

Today Jan and I will deliver a crib to Rea’s house in NJ and then try to put all the blankets and pillows somewhere in the apartment.  Thank goodness the cleaning lady comes tomorrow.

I am trying to get my mind around the fact that Tuesday is very close at hand,  I had so many many gifts this week and so I am willing to go back to Sloan for the final 4 hits of treatment.  I am determined to get well so I can be alive to create many more memories with this wonderful family.

I am so appreciative of all of your prayers and well wishes.  I know the doctors are doing their best but you are all creating the miracles that will make me well.  Thank You.

The Wedding was Amazing

The wedding weekend was amazing and I must say, So was I.

We moved into the hotel Wednesday and shared the afternoon and evening with all of our friends and family.  My mother and father, who rarely leave their home in Pa, came to stay at the hotel Wednesday night also.  This was the first time seeing me since my diagnosis and I know it was a very anxious time for them both.  My father told me he thought he was going to cry when he saw me but when he realized that I look and behave like myself it made acceptance much easier.  I explained that I have a disease I am fighting called cancer but I am not cancer, I am still me.

Thursday morning I awoke at 4:00 am and could not sleep even with all the medication.  I was so excited and by 7:00 Stephanie and I were on the phone visiting and sharing our excitement.  My wonderful new daughter spent the day before her wedding searching stores to find a wrap to go with my original dress chosen for wedding. It seems due to the shots in my stomach, the dress I planned wear hurt in just the “right: spot when I sat down and I was miserably uncomfortable.  The original dress was too big and needed accessories that I have been unable to go shopping for.  Stephanie not only found the perfect wrap, but had my dress altered and pressed and delivered personally to the hotel the morning of her wedding.

I continued to try to rest but although I did spend the morning in bed, I slept very little. At 12:30 we all left the hotel for the 20 minute drive to the wedding hall.  I immediately made a bed for myself on the sofa until make-up and hair time. Then on to pictures.  Afterward, dress came off, and back to bed. Dress back on for rehearsal and then the wedding started to flow.  I must admit I was quite tired at this time but many glasses of water and a lot of medication got me through it.  It was miraculous what I was able to do as the evening wore on.  I did have the beautiful dance with my son and visited with our guests and made a speech to boot.  At 11:30Pm, I hit the wall and had to go back to my makeshift bed in the dressing room.  Then people came there to visit with me.  At 1:30 PM, back at the hotel, I finally slept like a baby.

Friday morning was much the same with breakfast and goodbyes with our guests and then on to NYC.   We knew that Shira and Leo, and Josh and Katherine would be with us for Friday night and Shabbat dinner but Rea, Suie and the girls, Smi and Huvi, also moved in for the night.  Jan and I ran to Bed Bath and Beyond for more airbeds and special blankets for the girls and 10 of us had dinner and slept in a 1200 sf apartment, so content to be together.

This morning I am doing well but a little tired but so happy that I am surrounded by my favorite people in the world. I have spent time reading to the girls and having brownies and milk in bed.  Now I will try to take it easy and watch my magnificent family enjoy each other.

I am so grateful.  I prayed since the day of my diagnosis to be able to walk Aaron down the aisle, walk Stephanie around him 7 times under the chuppah and have just one dance with my son,  I was able to do all of these things with zeal and pride and especially grace.  And I accomplished much much more than this.  i faced my illness and handled it in a difficult situation with dignity.  And I did not have to face my biggest fear.  People did not pity or feel sorry for me or wish to discuss my health.  They watched me enjoy this simcha with my entire heart.  Thank you God.

Next goal: To hold my new grandson in eight weeks.  May god continue to help me through these next chemo treatments so that this goal can also be reached. AMEN!

Continue reading The Wedding was Amazing

Two Days and Counting

I know there was no blog entry yesterday but that was because I spent another day in urgent care at Sloan. The rash on my stomach was getting worse and so my doctor wanted it checked in the hospital.  So, I took myself there, then went to see a dermatologist at Cornell (two blocks away), and returned home and Jan was able to stay at work but in contact with me by phone.  Granted I was nauseous here and there and sometimes a little weak but without the chemo I have gained a little strength and independence.  I am so looking forward to having these treatments over with.  But I must be careful what I wish for because I do not know what is beyond them.

We are two days from Aaron’s wedding.  Last night Josh and Aaron dragged themselves in from the bachelor day of fun and are at Montclair State playing hockey this morning.  I will try to relax today and get packed for the move to the hotel tomorrow.  This should be interesting.  Three types of packing  will be needed.  First, all the medicines and medical stuff, then the stuff for the wedding and lastly kosher food for Jan and lots of liquid for me to keep hydrated.  It should be really easy but again I am working with chemo brain and little strength.  I am so grateful and appreciative that I will be able to be at the wedding and be somewhat present.

Back to bed while the boy are out and then to the store to find something to feed those big guys.