Early Friday morning Jan and I drove to the Cape for the weekend. We are so fortunate to be joined by Rea, Shuie, and Yonah, Aaron and Stephanie, and Shira and Leo. We miss Josh and Katherine but alas they are in San Francisco and could not come in for just the weekend. I love seeing and interacting with my family. We have spent a great deal of time watching our grandson grow and each day he looks different.
I am so looking forward to this coming week. Tuesday, I plan to go to school to the first teacher’s meeting and see my colleagues as well as assist my substitute to ready my classroom, if she needs help. Wednesday, I see the orthopedic surgeon and Friday I meet the kidney surgeon and by then should have our next phase in place. I will be so relieved to get on with this treatment. I have been very emotional during this waiting time. Too much thinking.
It is our 34th wedding anniversary today. How fortunate I am to have spent this time married to one of the most wonderful people that I have encountered in my life. Jan is my best friend, my advocate, and my overall support system on my life’s journey.
For today, I’m sitting at my dining room table with Aaron working on a very huge jigsaw puzzle (we always spent summers doing his together), I plan to take out my pastels and see if any inspiration arises, I plan to walk on the beach for a short while in the sunshine, and remind myself how fortunate I am to have these days at the end of the summer here at the cape with my family.
I will continue to be grateful for what I have but will also ask for many days like this in the future. This is a also a special prayer day for me since my sister is having more complications and could use all the help she can get. If you have a few moments, please say a little prayer for ELLEN.
The bris was held last night and our new grandson does have a name. Its Yonah Yaacov or Jonah J. Bochner in English. His parents will call him Yonah. He was wonderful during the bris and so many of our firends, family, and Rea’s friends and colleagues from school were there. The get together was lovely. Shuie’s family prepared a lovely buffet and his younger brother, Shloime deserves so much credit for his culinary expertise.
I returned early and went straight to bed. That is where I will be most of today. I am just exhausted.
Shira returned to Boston last night and its really quiet around here. I do miss having my children around but know they are off living their own lives.
For today I am very thankful that I had the experience this summer of seeing one child married and a new grandson born. Now I will prepare myself for my next chapter of recovery. I will be making the time to meditate and pray more during this quiet time and just rest. (For those who know me well, I am trying very hard to sit still but my brain is going many places). LOL
If there is one thing to appreciate, it is being home in your own bed in the quiet with no wires attached to you. I am so appreciative that I finally got some sleep last night and was in my own bed. These visits and stay overs at Sloan really stress me out and I stay awake the entire time and if I fall asleep, I am awaken again for vitals. The staff is so busy with so many many very sick people that I am many times on my own there (Thank God).
Today my grandson? will have his bris (circumcision) and get his real name. The time had to be changed from this morning at 9 to 6 this evening waiting for his bilirubin count to go down. We are so pleased the the mohel (the rabbi doing the bris) is a close friend , one whom we very much admire. He is so conservative about these numbers to ensure the baby is safe.
When the doctors asked me what my biggest complaint was yesterday, I told them I want to go home. They laughed. Then they said you are so stressed out that your are causing these high blood pressure numbers. I looked at them and said, “My daughter just had a baby, his bris is tomorrow, I have major surgery looming in the very near distance, I cannot go back to work next week and I don’t feel well.” I think they got it. And they discharged me as soon as they could LOL.
I am so grateful that I will be able to attend this special rite for my grandson and to be there for my daughter. It is a very emotional time for both Rea and me. We cry together on the (phone because we are both in transitional places right now). Rea has turned out to be an amazing mother but just like her mother, wants everything and the world to be perfect for her child. Now she understands who I am and I have grown to adore the woman she is turning into. I am so grateful for my son-in-law, Shuie, who has helped Rea get some sleep by staying up with the baby and being such an emotionally supportive husband.
I was hoping to spend the long weekend at the Cape but again that is up in the air. I have to see how I am feeling today, whether I can make the trip, and how Rea is doing. The Bochnersm(all three) would come also but that is a very long trip for the little guys first time. We shall see how it plays out.
For today (and I am trying to stay in this one only) I am so grateful that the complications for this week seem to be under control and I can share this simcha with my family. And that while I was awake all night in the hospital, I had the time to have many conversations with my higher power. What I got was slow it down, appreciate each moment and stay in it. It’s just too scary to try to take too much in at a time which I have no control over. For this wisdom, which I shall try to practice, I am so thnakful.
After a day of high blood pressure and some chest discomfort, Jan took me to Urgent Care AGAIN at 9:00 PM. Result: STRESS, PVCs (extra heart beats here and there), not taking the anxiety meds, and a small showing of pneumonia in left lung. So, I received IV Antibiotic and stayed up all night with a heart rate monitor. Needless to say, I am wiped out. I was just discharged at 2:00 and so now it is time for sleep. Will write later.
I have been pushing a little too hard and taking so little medication that I had a very rough night sleeping. I am becoming quite anxious about the surgery and when I get ahead of myself many fears set in.
Yesterday, Jan showed me a diagram of where the tumor is located and the blood clot they are going to have to deal with. My shoulder has been very painful these last few days and that really scares me. As I’ve said before, the less I looked the better I was. I just did what the doctor told me day to day. This whole thing is quite unsettling but I keep praying that once I get through it, the cancer will be gone.
I know part of my sadness is that I will not be returning to my classroom in September and I really want to be with my children from the start. They will have to go through the bonding with two teachers this year. This upsets me because many of these children live with instability daily at home and now they will have to do it at school too. I am very protective of the children in my class and try to provide a comfortable loving environment for them.
My job for today is to go see Rea, Shuie, and ? Baby as well as get some things to decorate the table for his bris on Wednesday morning. That was my assignment.
Shira, Jan and and I went to see STOMP yesterday and it gave me such wonderful ideas on how to make music from anything for my kids. Today, if I have the energy, Shira and I will do some clothes shopping in Paramus.
I need to run to the hospital for blood work this morning and then on to better things. I pray this body is stabilizing and getting ready for the next round. I sure am working on the emotional and spiritual part right now. Not coming easily unfortunately.
I wish you good thoughts and contentment today.
The baby took his parents home last night, Shira is sleeping, and Jan is off to synagogue. So for a few minutes it’s pretty quiet around here.
I have been thinking about the next few weeks and trying very hard to stay in the moment. This is a tough time. It reminds me of the time when I was told I had cancer until the treatment plan was in place. So much goes through your mind, So many questions, so few answers. I know that the doctors have seen the scans and are making a plan. That will be revealed the first week if September. I am actually ready now to trudge on.
The fatigue is still there but a little less each day, and the nausea is bearable. So the chemo is also leaving the system. Tomorrow I will do bloodwork to see how everything is going and continue to live my life as it comes.
I have the time this morning, to say prayers for many people I know who are suffering but also for those who are struggling day to day just to keep things going. Times are tough but I know my higher power has a plan for each of us. I need to spend time reminding myself of just that.
I wish you a sunny day with great serenity. And a reminder to watch for those little miracles.
After being discharged from the hospital yesterday, Rea, Shuie, and Baby moved in to our apartment for the weekend. He is so little and very charming. His Mom is quite tired so Auntie Shira, Zadie, and I (Bubbles) are taking turns rocking and keeping him occupied between feedings(that is if his Mom lets us). Such joy.
Time is really going by quickly now that I have more freedom and mobility. I am still in a little pain and using minimal meds and trying to accomplish so much in a short time. I do plan to be there for the first day of school and to meet the children in my classroom. Then I will go to Dr. Appointments in the afternoon to get the dates for surgery. I am getting anxious to have all of this behind me. I want to go back to work and enjoy my family.
We will try to get to Cape Cod Labor Day weekend but taking it day by day.
I am grateful today to have my two daughters and son-in-law her with us and to be able to enjoy this new little guy. But especially to have a day of Jan. I am one very fortunate lady. Please continue those prayers. It is not over yet. I just got a miracle of a reprieve.
Tonight we will host a Shalom Zachar (welcoming party) for our grandson here in NY. We still have no details on a bris or a name until the bris.
Shira arrived yesterday and we will bake and play together today. Rea and Shuie will move in later this afternoon for Shabbos and to be here for the celebration.
I am baking again this morning but “trying” to keep my excitement and projects down to a dull roar. I am sleeping well after all of the excitement and taking less medication. I have to remind myself that I can’t quite do that which I am used to doing. Tough Challenge,
The appointment with the Orthopedic Surgeon is scheduled at the same time as the baby’s bris so I need to change that today. I am so grateful that all the baby festivities will be complete by the time I head for surgery. This has been a great week for me. I would also like to go home for the labor day weekend to the Cape but we’ll see how much I can really get away with.
For today, I am grateful Shira is here, the Mom and Baby are fine, and I was able to experience the joy of these life experiences in fairly good shape. I am one very fortunate person.
What a day! What excitement! So many emotions and so exhausted!
We are so very proud of Rea and how she handled her pregnancy and delivery. She is a beautiful mother who is madly in love with her new son. He is adorable and has all his parts in place and is very very hungry. We will be able to spend more time with him today at the hospital.
I am going to try to sleep this morning again because I not only hit the wall last night but continued to pound through it. I am spent. BUT>>>I have a lot to do today.
There is a beautiful custom called a Shalom Zachar (welcoming the baby) to his first Shabbath, So this Friday, Rea, Suie, and the baby will come stay with us here in NY and people will be able to come to our home Friday night to visit and wish them well. I promised Shuie those rugallah so I have to bake them today and get ready for Friday night.
There will also be a Bris (circumcision) ceremony for the little guy sometime next week. Then we will know his real name. This is a custom to name the baby at the bris so right now we call him baby or beautiful baby boy.
Last March, when I was told I had cancer, my first thoughts were I was not going to be here for Aaron and Steph’s wedding or to see my first grandchild born. Believe it or not, that was more devastating to me than knowing the battles I had ahead to get rid of this disease. But by the grace of my Higher Power, I made it to both and have the possibility to see many more to come. My legacy. My miracle.
So, I am back to bed for a little and then planning celebrations in honor of this beautiful little boy. How blessed can one person get? I am so looking forward to seeing my other children ( the new uncles and aunties) with their new nephew. Picture Time!
I am saying prayers of thanks and gratitude today. I am so blessed.
We are both exhausted and will write more tomorrow morning. Rea and Shuie had their baby son at 5:06 this evening, August 20th. He weighed 6 lbs. 11 oz. and he looks like his MOM with a very sweet disposition. Jan and I had the honor of being in the labor room part of the time up until delivery.
Grateful is not even enough for today. This is truly one of life’s miracles!