Tough Night

I have been pushing a little too hard and taking so little medication that I had a very rough night sleeping. I am becoming quite anxious about the surgery and when I get ahead of myself many fears set in.

Yesterday, Jan showed me a diagram of where the tumor is located and the blood clot they are going to have to deal with.  My shoulder has been very painful these last few days and that really scares me. As I’ve said before, the less I looked the better I was.  I just did what the doctor told me day to day.  This whole thing is quite unsettling but I keep praying that once I get through it, the cancer will be gone.

I know part of my sadness is that I will not be returning to my classroom in September and I really want to be with my children from the start.  They will have to go through the bonding with two teachers this year. This upsets me because many of these children live with instability daily at home and now they will have to do it at school too. I am very protective of the children in my class and try to provide a comfortable loving environment for them.

My job for today is to go see Rea, Shuie, and ? Baby as well as get some things to decorate the table for his bris on Wednesday morning. That was my assignment.

Shira, Jan and  and I went to see STOMP yesterday and it gave me such wonderful ideas on how to make music from anything for my kids.  Today, if I have the energy, Shira and I will do some clothes shopping in Paramus.

I need to run to the hospital for blood work this morning and then on to better things.  I pray this body is stabilizing and getting ready for the next round.  I sure am working on the emotional and spiritual part right now.  Not coming easily unfortunately.

I wish you good thoughts and contentment today.  

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