It is pouring here in NYC but today was the last day that I sat shiva for my mother. I am comforted that I had the time to ponder my life with her and spend quality time with those close to us, but I am relieved that it is over. Due to the Jewish Holidays, it seems I have been sitting shiva forever. I was given the assignment by Rabbi Z in Passaic to spend this week finding fond or happy memories of my mother. And I have found some of them unexpectedly in places in my mind that I forgot. I guess that is what these seven days are really for. A Reassessing of the life that will now be missing in my life.
Now that the medications are in control, I am returning to a semblance of who I was before I began treatments. I am still very weak and will begin rehab of the shoulder shortly but I must gain back my energy and strength by the New Year so I can return to school. 8 weeks? I hope I can do it.
The stitches come out of my shoulder tomorrow and after hat, I am not sure what the follow-up will be. I do know that this has been an arduous journey and I am hoping the road will smooth out a little for awhile at least. I am one very fortunate person to have come so far and I know it every waking second.
I will share one miraculous moment that happened after my last stay in the hospital. My roommate was a young doctor, just married a year with a brain tumor, who lost her 6 month old pregnancy due to the treatments and illness. I was trying my hardest to dress myself and was so frustrated with the shoulder not working that I sat on my bed and cried out of frustration. This little voice came through the curtain and told me, “Don’t cry. Look at the beautiful day we were given just for today and be grateful. But also smile”. Can you imagine after such loss? I have learned so much from so many people I have encountered and as I have the strength to write more, I will share them.
So for today, even this “ugly” rainy day, smile and be grateful for this gift.