JUST WAITING

This is a very boring but trying time for me on this journey.  I am feeling so much better but not well enough to do a tremendous amount, like go back to work.  I am also having panic attacks about the upcoming testing.  Transitions have never been easy for me and I want everything yesterday.  Waiting is not one of my fortes.  I am so afraid that the scans are going to show more cancer and I am not sure what that will mean for the next few months and what treatments are available.  I know I do not want to do any more chemo or surgery in the near future.  This is the time I must remind myself to stay in the moment.   The thoughts that swirl through my head when I am alone are not good for me or anyone related to me.

I completed a poncho I was knitting for my niece yesterday so at least I have measurement of the time I am spending here waiting and recovering.  I need a new project and a new book so I don’t go stark raving mad.  Sleeping through this time is not an option since I hardly sleep through the night now without changing beds a few times.

So for today I am grateful that I am feeling better, I am going to PT this morning, and plan to pick up some items at the drug store.  It is really cold outside so I guess indoors will be the place for me today.  I wish you warmth and comfort today.

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