After another long night of sleeping two hours then up one hour, I am getting my mind and body slowly ready for the day.  I feel numb.  I am so trying to stay away from the what ifs and taking each moment as it comes.   The pain in my shoulder continually reminds me that I am still trying to recover but again I must remind myself how far I have come and how many battles I have already fought.

Today I will visit my favorite chemo nurse, Ann Marie, who now works for Dr. Bajorin.  She will flush my port and get prescriptions ready for me.  Thank goodness there is now only one!  Then down to Dr Russo for my first follow-up visit post kidney surgery.  It seems like a long time since Sept 22 but he is a very busy man.

Jan will meet me at the doctors and then we will return to our apartment, pack up our gear, pick up meat at the kosher meat market, and head to the Cape.  I usually am very excited about going home and seeing the kids but again, I just feel tired.  I am certain once we are on the road and there, I will feel better.  A good walk on the beach, even in the cold weather will do nicely to lift my spirits.

We plan to return to NY on Sunday and I will spend Monday at PT, having x-rays on my shoulder at Sloan and meeting with Dr. Healey to review all the shoulder scans.  Sometimes I can’t wait to know what’s happening and sometimes I just don’t want to know.  

I am feeling good right now physically, getting some food in (especially chocolate), exercising  a little, and staying awake all day.  I know emotionally I am falling behind a little and am very weepy and anxious but I am working on that continually. And spiritually, I am doing the best I can by having my discussions with my higher power continually during the day. All of your prayers are helping me slide by right now.

It is time to do my shoulder exercises, shower, get dressed  and begin to pack up the things we need to move out to the cape.  This takes a lot longer than it used to but I have until 11:00 before I need to go crosstown to Sloan.

Wishing everyone a healthy, comfortable and content Thanksgiving.  For today: Just breathe.


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