After a full day yesterday, around 5:00PM, I thought I would take a quick nap before Jan came home so I could enjoy his company.  I woke up at 12:00AM and now at 6:30 AM!  I must give in to my body’s needs but this is too much.  I could go back to sleep now if I allowed myself.

I am meeting with the Pain Team doctor tomorrow morning to discuss all these meds that I have discarded and if the one’s I have now are necessary and appropriate.  I have noticed that the day after the new patch is put on, I am nauseous and tired.  It is supposed to be time released.  This body of mine does not handle chemicals very well as we have seen and it is very frustrating.  My mother used to have the same problem and my father always complained that she was playing with her meds.  I get it!

Today, I will attempt to drive to NJ to see Yonah and Rea for a few hours.  She is moving to PA for a few months to help my Dad get settled and for him to be able to spend time with Yonah.  I will miss them so much, but this is a great mitzvah (good deed) she is doing to get my Dad through this tough time, keep him going with the baby around, and she does not have to return to work and can be home with her baby. Times such as these are very frustrating for me because if I were well enough, I could be of help to my Father.

I am getting more range of motion from my arm but the exercises are still very painful.  I hate that saying no pain no gain.  

My miracle for today is that I am awake and raring to accomplish some new things today.  I never thought I would have the ability to do this.  The energy may only last for a short while but I am seeing glimmers of who I used to be.  That is a true miracle!

For today, I will use my energy wisely and attempt to drive my new jeep (that looks just like the old jeep) and celebrate the freedom of being independent.  Oh and of course VOTE!


I am ready to go to PT this morning and start rehabing this poor old body.  It should be quite a quest for this former spinning instructor and tennis player.  Actually it should be a test of my ability to accept things as they are today and try to stay out of the past.  Sometimes I wonder how I got so ill when I ate properly, exercised regularly, didn’t smoke or drink coffee, and on and on.  Then I remind myself that there will be no answers and just maybe those things are what gave me the strength to get through this year.  What a wonderment!!!!!!!!

So I am eating a little bit, drinking a lot of water, and heading off around the corner to my new hang-out.  I’m sure there will be something to share with you upon my return.  But for now, I am enthusiastic and raring to face the aches and pains in order to get my life on track.


Sunday was activity filled with Jan and I walking to Barnes and Noble without me becoming breathless.  We went on to Bed Bath and Beyond and although I felt weak we continued on to Duane Reade and home. This was an impossible feat for me a few weeks ago.

We dressed and went to Edgewater, NJ for a party in honor of Jan’s brother Curt turning 50.  I stayed a short while until the music began and then came home. Since my mother’s death, I am not supposed to listen to music for the next 11 months.  I am at least trying to go the first 30 days doing such.  It will be impossible when I return to school and the children.

After that fun filled morning and early afternoon, I slept.  Still need to develop the energy source but it is much better.

Tonight, I am exhausted and just sat down to write when I found a state quarter on the floor next to my computer.  For those who do not know, My mother saved these quarters and sent them to all of her grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and a few young cousins.  During her funeral, while they were shoveling the ground back into the grave, many of us added a state quarter to honor her interest.  Seeing the quarter on the floor reminded me of our loss and I am quite shaken up.  This is going to be a long mourning process as situations arise and I am unprepared for them.  I have to remind myself it is just a quarter.

Hope you enjoyed your Sunday and found pleasure in the day.  I know I am so appreciative to able to do the little amount I accomplished today and am looking forward to Physical Therapy tomorrow.


Yesterday, I went for  a much longer walk than usual and even made it up that huge (three flights of 16) staircase outside my apartment up from the park in one try! Last week I could only do 16 steps and rest!  I seem to be getting stronger.  The shoulder exercises still make me cry and they are also putting pressure on my kidney scar and back so at night I am in a lot of pain.   I was wondering where the pain was coming from but as I did the exercises last night I realized that my core is just too weak to counteract the movements for the shoulder.

Jan has a business trip to Washington this week and wanted me to go along for 4 days.  We have decided that I am just not ready to travel that far and stay without medical treatment that is familiar to me for that period of time.  I am disappointed because Jan really wanted to do this and he has been so cooped up with this illness and my aches and pains and I feel badly. But I really want to spend Thanksgiving at the cape in a few weeks and I do not want to risk that.  Someday, I may be able to do both.

Aaron called and challenged me to a tennis match.  TENNIS?  I wonder if that will ever be part of my life again.  I feel so old and so weak.  Again maybe someday.

For today, I am resting and repairing and looking forward to Monday when I go to Physical Therapy for the first time.  I have eight weeks to get this body in shape to go back to school.  I am determined to do this.  It will be a very short year for me and it will take time to get to know the children, but it will mean so much to my recovery.  I will surely need this summer to rest up and play TENNIS????? (LOL).  

It is a gorgeous day here in NYC so I will get out to walk again.  We are supposed to go to a family party at lunch time but since my mother just passed away, it may be inappropriate for me to attend.  I am thinking Jan should attend without me and that would be OK.  Less germs too.

Today I will feel the warmth of the sunshine on my face and be grateful for the light from my higher power.  I am one fortunate person.