I am having a very difficult time trying to keep my head together and stay out of those dark places. I am thinking of the new treatment upcoming with the hope and prayers that something will take hold and stop the march of these confused cells, So far, I have had little to no relief from the radiation but the new meds do take off the edge and let me sleep. Sleep right now is desired. It gives me less time to think.
For today, Jan, Dad, and I will take it easy and have lunch at a friend’s home. I hope I have the stamina to sit still that long. I am so enjoying seeing Jan after such a busy week, Sometimes I just want to memorize his face and others just want to listen to his voice.
Shira called last night upset about some critique at work and my Mommy heart set in. I wish I could be there to hold my little girl when she hurts but I was there to listen. I know she will get over what was said to her and probably learn from it but right now I am in protective mode for my kids. These are the times that are so frustrating for me. Not only being away from the kids but also the inability to be there 100%.
So for today, I am grateful for a new day, that I will be with my husband. father and friends, and that I will nurse this arm so that it is bearable to get through the day. I wonder when the day will come when I can get through with no tears. Still trying and trying to stay in the moment.