I am feeling quite well today with just aches in the arm (thank you Dr. Ralph, PT), and a little sleepy. This smoker’s cough persists but the mouth sores have been reduced with the anti-viral medicine. So overall, life feels good today.
Rea, Suie and Yonahbug are due here at 10:30 and are staying over tonight. Also, My cousin Sandra from Michigan and her husband Lenny are coming to visit and staying over. We will have lots of air beds all over this small apartment but it should be fun.
I awoke this morning and I looked at Jan and told him I keep waking up and thinking this nightmare really isn’t happening to us. I sometimes still have difficulty with the reality that this journey has been going on for a year already and there is more to come. I am looking down at my computer and seeing shedding hair and still can’t believe that it will all fall out. This whole thing, this disease, is so taxing that it has become a full time job or my entire existence. I intellectually accept what is happening but emotionally I am still fighting the reality. This is the thinking of someone who is trying to grasp how an illness can become such a monster.
So for today, I am grateful that I will have company to keep my mind out of those dark places, that I feel quite well enough to even entertain that many people, and that my husband has the patience to listen to me about what I am thinking and feeling. I am praying so hard that this new drug will work and will kill the developing cells and that I will have some reprieve from this disease. But for today, I am grateful that I am here and have company to enjoy. I am living life for today.

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