I spent the most relaxing day yesterday with Jan. He decided to stay home with me all day and we just napped and talked together. I haven’t seen much of him lately because he has been working long long hours and I really missed him. This day was a gift that I treasure.
During my last chemo, an Urgent Care Doctor prescribed Ativan for anxiety and nausea, It has been a wonder drug for me except it does make me sleepy. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize it is also very addictive. I have been working, with my nurse’s instruction, on getting the ativan out of my system and I have been told it is very difficult. They were not kidding. I am having multiple panic attacks per day and I will be in the weaning process until March 13! I really want this substance out of my body but this is really not a good time to have these attacks. They make me lose hope and go to dark places and the nights become very long.
Today, I am going for yet another MRI on my shoulder to prepare for my appointment with Dr. Healy next week. This shoulder has had more pictures taken of it and I still do not have use of my arm. But the good thing is there is less pain this time. Hopefully the radiation treatments worked and the cancer cells are not reproducing.
This journey is getting very rocky at this time. The chemo is easier but the fears are greater. I just hope it is working.
I am so grateful for the day with Jan, that I am awake and that this chemo seems to be easier to take. My hair is thinning but I still have a lot of it even though it is short and I am grateful for that. Praying is very important now and I have to increase my time doing so. I have been a little lax. Please do the same for me and for other’s who need them.