Yesterday, I noticed a tear on Debbi’s cheek and another nearer to her eye. As I wiped the tears, Debbi opened her eyes. I do not know if she saw me but I called my children and for a brief time, they were able to say hello to their mother. Additionally, when we repositioned Debbi she also stirred.
Throughout the day yesterday and throughout the night, Debbi has been warm to the touch and her breathing has been tinged with raspiness. Even the Atropine has not been able to dry the lung secretions completely. It is also the case that her urine is darker than normal. The oximeter reads 152 pulse with 80% saturated peripheral oxygen. A pulse of 152 is more indicative of a person in active cardio workout,
Unfortunately, these are all signs that we may be in the final stages of Active Death. Inability to regulate temperature, the tear, a rapid rate of breathing with a definite rattle, the darkened urine, and the reduction of oxygen to the extremities… the end could come at any time.
We are still committed to taking care of Debbi and making her feel as comfortable as possible. Debbi always lived her life in a unique manner and it will only be over when she is ready.
Asking “Why?” and second guessing are never productive. Yet there are many questions that could be asked. Asking each question leads to another question and soon one realizes that all the questions lead to the dialog in the book of Job. So, the questions are pointless.
That being said, our world is sure going to be a lonely place without Debbi’s shining presence.
Debbi just came back to us for a little while. She briefly opened her eyes and we gathered by her side. We told her how much she loved us and how much we loved her. I asked for forgiveness once again. All of us together… we shed tears and told Debbi again and again how privileged we felt to have had such a terrific and unique person, full of love, kindness, and compassion for a wife and mother.