Just got the first update from the nurses in the OR at 8:40pm. Report said that they began 1 hour ago and that Dr. Russo is now beginning to expose the kidney. Debbi is said to be doing well based on vital signs, etc.
You know and I know that Debbi arrived in the OR before 7pm so almost two hours have elapsed so it seems that we are in for an extended wait. At least Debbi is holding up well. We are all praying that Dr. Russo’s hands are guided from Above.
The anticipation of this operation finally coming to fruition has exhausted me physically and emotionally. I am so ready to get into the recovery mode and have this poisonous organ out of my body but I must admit there are many fears and questions attached to it.
I am trying to stay away from the unanswered questions of How did this happen? Why me? What could I have done differently? Will they be able to get all the cancer out? And accept the situation as it stands. Not always so easy. I will never have these answers but I sure am hoping that I will not have to ask them again once both surgeries are complete.
The thought of being confined and in bed again is very troublesome to me. I dislike having my freedom taken away and it gives me too much time to think. I have devoured many novels, made quite a few sweaters and blankets and have used my creative ability to keep my going while being confined to a small area.
And so…….Tomorrow at 4:30PM, if all is on schedule, I will be in surgery having the kidney removed. I asked Jan to bring a large Glad Plastic storage container with him and ask for the kidney. I really wish to see what this enemy really looked like. Black marks on x-ray scans just don’t do it for me. He laughs at me but says that he will ask them if they will take pictures. In that case, I don’t even have to say cheese. As expected, Jan plans to move into the hospital with me and so I may not need nursing care after all. He will try to do as much work as possible from Sloan.
I have to believe that there is plan form me that I am unaware of. As I live each minute some of it unfolds but as all of us, life is fragile and we really cannot anticipate what will happen. This reminds me how little control I have over what is happening to me and around me. There has to be something much greater than me who knows a lot more and is a lot smarter than I’ll ever be. It’s time to have a talk with that being to be thankful for the life I have had thus far and to hope there is much much more to come. That is all that is in my ability. The rest I just have to wait and see.