Thank you all for your E-Mails at debbi @buckler.com since the blog is not picking the comments up unless you sign your name in somehow. Anyway, I am wide awake mulling over all the info we received today, thinking about tomorrow’s procedure, and weighing the seriousness of what lies ahead. There are no straight forward answers to anything and as I said before only more unanswerable questions. I must admit FEAR is raging everywhere inside and I am doing everything and anything to stay in moment and not think ahead. Ahead is just too frightening. I am fighting off any medication for anxiety or sleep because I am so baffled.
My darling Jan is a rock. He does the research, tries his hardest to explain it to me, watches me fall apart, and pulls me back together. He is such a gift and I am so fortunate to have him in my life. All with kindness and calmness. We should all be praying for him to be able to weather this storm in good health and sanity.
My son, Joshua, has arranged to spend 10 days working in NY so he can go to my first 2 chemo appointments with me and to just spend time with me. Rea, our pregnant eldest, calls constantly and offers to do everything and anything and her husband, Shuie prays and buys me books. Aaron and Stephanie are amazing and plan to tape their last Law School Classes before finals so that they can come to prepare our Passover Seders, and Shira is finally talking to me again now that we both have admitting we are scared to death. I am one very fortunate, fortunate parent to have these amazing people in my life. I must admit, I am not very surprised, they have always been the best kids. My accomplishment that I value most. Thank God this is not happening to them. This is what keeps me going through this.
I really wish I could sleep since I am due at the hospital at 7:30 am for the next procedure. I am not sure how people do this when they come from so far away for treatment. I am so grateful to live only a 5 minute cab ride from the hospital and testing locations. On a funny note, I guess I missed my last chance to eat since midnight was the cut-off!!!!
Thank you all so much for the love, caring, support, and prayers.